Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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