I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
