is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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