he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize