I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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