he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
