u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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