dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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