the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
