i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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