is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Small penises have feelings too.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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