Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
