Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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