after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
