I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
did i just pee glitter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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