And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize