you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
