I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
