would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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