We're like a lot better than the average bears
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
