I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Green mimosas i think yes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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