So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
