ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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