your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
