It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
