Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
