Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
