His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
