you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
