That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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