I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
