biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
