just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
