i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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