The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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