In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
