Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
