i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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