My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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