Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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