Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
