If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
