I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
