Im at strip club and am horny
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
