I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
