She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
