I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
