I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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