I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
