I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
