How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
