no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize