finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
