I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
