Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
