I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
