I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
