he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
