it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
