you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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