You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
