Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
