thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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