My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
