My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
