I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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