I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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