Kiss
Puke
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Come on in and take your pants off
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